The Wave

Posted on April 14, 2013 by Ali

I tried out a few different versions of this wave before I really figured it out, but I think I’ve got it down now.

It’s for a cute little lady who was just born (Welcome, Eleanor!) and is getting showered with gifts this week.

Writing up the pattern for “the wave” is on my to-do list (10 miles long…) and I actually have 2 more hats, a blanket AND a sweater to show you all, just need to sit down and take pictures of them first. But most exciting is that Erika, my mom, Josie and Ezra are coming to visit this weekend and I couldn’t be more excited to see them! Christmas was a long time ago and I feel like Sam has changed so much in the last few months and just exploded with new words and phrases (He counts to 3 now, and says “Love you!” Which sounds more like ‘Yuv yooo’, but it’s still the greatest thing I’ve ever heard before.) Four more days! Four more days!!!

Workin’ Mama.

Posted on March 7, 2013 by Ali

I took being a stay at home mom for granted. I could come and go as I pleased, I had enough time to keep the house in order, to keep the kitchen well stocked, dinner made, the toddler entertained. Not so much these days. I always feel as though my head is just barely above water, and that there are a lot of things that are being neglected. It’s either a clean house or a happy kid. It’s making a cup of coffee instead of prepping dinner so I don’t fall asleep at 6pm. It’s being content with a messy house and embracing the fact that things are a little disorganized right now and probably will be for a while.

…And then there’s the guilt. Letting someone else have my kid for the majority of the day. I feel so incredibly guilty that I don’t get to be the one to spend the day with him.I know he is happy hanging out with his buddy (He is watched by one of my close friends who has a son very close in age) and I know it’s good for him to socialize, but I just can’t get over the guilt of not being there for him all the time. I don’t feel like I am doing anything ‘well’ right now. I feel like I am half-assing it at being a mom, half-assing it at work, half-assing it at being a wife. Especially with all of Sam’s heath issues right now. (He is getting over a double ear infection, a sinus infection AND a horrible case of the croup. He’s on antibiotics and had some steroids so things are shaping up!)

It doesn’t help when people say things like “Oh wow, I don’t know how you do that. I could *never* do that. I’d miss my kid too much.” or “I don’t want someone else raising my child for me”. And to an extent, I can agree. I didn’t think I “could” do that. But hey, you learn to do what you have to do when you run out of other options. It really stings when people say things like that, I already feel guilty enough about missing milestones, new words and fun new skills. And part of me just feels sorry for myself for having to be at work around 6am every day, which means getting up before the crack of dawn, being in a rush whenever I am at home and not spending as much quality time with him as I should/want to.

But right now I am just trying to focus on the “Be thankful” part. Being thankful we can pay our rent, that we have reliable cars, that we can buy groceries and clothing, that we have good health insurance. I am trying to be thankful, even though that means my floors don’t get vacuumed and the dishes sit in the sink for a few days. I have to remind myself that there’s only 24 hrs in a day, and at least six of those need to be sleeping hours. Do you know how hard it is to try to go to bed at a reasonable hour when you’re married to a night owl and he’s been successfully pushing back your bedtime for the last 3.5 yrs?

Any other working mama’s out there that can share some advice? Or even just words of encouragement would be more than welcome!

I’ll be back to your regularly scheduled knitting posts just as soon as a certain somebody in California (cough, cough MARY cough, cough) receives their package, then I can show you the contents that I made for baby Hugh!

And yes, I used the word “ass” three times in this post. Can you believe it?

New van, yay!

Posted on February 21, 2013 by Ali

….And just because i made a point in my last post to say that February had been nice so far… we got snow today. Luckily it is pretty much melted and it didnt amount to much, but we had a busy day otherwise. After work we bought a new minivan! (well, new to us!)

And this isn’t a recent picture, but Carlie (Sam’s bff’s mom and his babysitter) took this picture, I cracked up. I think he’s trying to give himself a root canal.

Also, I am getting a new laptop. WOO! Mine is being held together with packing tape right now and the screen flashes off and on and turns purple. It’s weird and looks possessed.

Great use of a tax return, in my opinion!

Sam, 17 Months.

Posted on February 8, 2013 by Ali

I did a knitting trade with someone, I knitted her some hats and she did a photo shoot with Sam! I love, love, LOVE how they turned out. I am so floored by these pictures, I think they turned out so great! Sorry for the huge photo-bomb, but I couldnt pick a

favorite!

He was so proud of this block tower. He built it himself!!!

He’s still currently around 20lbs, we can’t seem to get any heavier than that! But he is getting taller, so that’s good. He still doesn’t eat very well, but we’re getting better about trying new foods. He is getting really, really vocal and will tell you when he wants something by asking please and by saying thank you once you give it to him! It’s really, really cute. He is a climbing master and can get up onto tables and such without too much trouble. It’s a little scary, but I guess that’s just life with a toddler! He’s been doing really well with the babysitter while I am at work, but has been pretty clingy in the evenings, understandably. He is just so much fun to watch learn and grow- he never stops surprising me!!

Due date.

Posted on February 2, 2013 by Ali

(Warning: This post may contain some ‘triggers’ for people who have suffered losses)

I should be 40 weeks pregnant today- I should be waddling- I should be full with child – I should be getting the crib set up and washing and folding newborn clothes. But I’m not. I’m not going to meet my baby soon, but my arms are not empty, far from it. I have a wonderful husband, an adorable son and a kind and loving family and amazing friends, but it still hurts deeply.

My friend Stephanie bought me this beautiful bracelet with three perfect little pearls on it, one for each of my perfect little babies.

She also brought me these lovely flowers.

I’ve been dreading today for months. I knew it would sneak up on me, and I had been feeling pretty ‘at peace’ with everything until yesterday- I know God has a plan for me and for my babies. But I am still far from being ‘over it’, I don’t think it’s something you really get over, no matter how long it’s been.

I will be relieved once today is over, I wish I could stop replaying July 20th’s events over and over again, wondering if I could have done anything different, wondering if I could have stopped it. Two days prior to Gabriel’s birth, during our huge and amazing family reunion I started spotting. I was told it could be pretty common, but either way I should take it easy, so I did. We left the next day to go to Portland to visit some friends, and after we got there the spotting got worse and I began cramping. I went to bed because it started to be pretty painful and I thought maybe sleeping could help. I laid down for an hour or so then told Paul I think we needed to go to the hospital because it was starting to feel like labor pains. We went downstairs and woke up our friends and the wife drove us to the hospital (since we didn’t know where it was). They checked me out and said that nothing was nothing they could really do, my cervix was still closed, I hadn’t lost the baby yet, but cramping is a bad sign. They sent us back ‘home’ (to the friends house). We hadn’t been back to their house for more than an hour when I started hemorrhaging and we rushed back to the hospital just in time to deliver baby Gabriel, he was 12 weeks gestation when we lost him.

I know miscarriage can be a bit of a taboo topic. People don’t really like to talk about death, it can be easier to just suffer in silence and grieve on your own, but I’ve tried to be really open about our losses, and tried to help people on how they should treat someone who has had a loss (Don’t ask them when they’re planning on having another baby, for instance, or telling them “At least you have Sam!” or “Good thing you know you can at least have more kids”), but it’s still something that isn’t really discussed a whole lot. I have several close friends (and family members) who have all suffered losses at varying stages of pregnancy and it seems as though many are somewhat relieved to find someone else who has suffered the same way, someone who has felt that dagger through the heart so that they have someone to talk to about it. I think it’s very sad that a lot of women hide their pregnancies til they are in the ‘safe zone’ so that if they do miscarry then no one, save close family or a few select friends, will know. Now, I’m not saying that you need to announce the day you get a positive pregnancy test, it’s a very personal decision to decide when and how to announce a pregnancy, but I don’t want anyone to suffer alone if they don’t want to. Some want to be alone to grieve, and I can respect that, some women need help. I, for one, was so SO thankful for everyone that helped out with Sam, people bringing me meals, coming over to make sure I am coping , etc. There’s a lot to be said for a large network of wonderful women who are looking out for you and bringing you as much chocolate as your heart desires.

I know it will get easier as time goes on, and I covet your prayers. Thanks for listening to my rambling about missing my babies.

Felted Slippers!

Posted on December 21, 2012 by Ali

I made a pair of felted slippers for my “Secret Santa” this year!

They start out huge!

But after a quick wash they felt down pretty fast!

Also, Sam got his first big “boo-boo” today. He fell down in the kitchen and bonked his head on a cabinet.

He is doing fine now, but poor buddy bonked it so hard! We’ve got a show tonight at Bucer’s (7:30-10:30 TONIGHT!!!) then we’re leaving for Tacoma hopefully first thing in the morning! Merry Christmas!

Rainbow Hat

Posted on October 17, 2012 by Ali

Sam picked out the colors and order of this one. We wanted to make a fun hat for his friend Caden’s first birthday. I thought it’d be more fun to let Sam pick and choose!

I grabbed all my worsted weight acrylic and let him pick and choose. It was pretty funny to watch him contemplate over colors, deciding which ball of yarn to pick up first.

He thought it looked better off of his head.

View from the top!

He is my friendly little ghost! This shirt was actually given to us LAST Halloween by his grandparents and it finally fits him this October! Who could have predicted that mine and Paul’s child would be so tiny? (Not us, especially given the ultrasound tech constantly telling us that we had a giant baby!)

Sam’s First Birthday Party

Posted on September 24, 2012 by Ali

We had a birthday party for Sam a few days before his actual birthday. Sam had such a great time being entertained by the “big kids”.My mom, dad and younger sister were able to make it out for the party, too!

Pretty minimal decorations (and those darn balloons that caused so much trouble!) But I let Sam pick out the birthday banner at the store. He picked the tie-dyed one! What a hippy child.

Opening some of his wonderful presents. He got a lot of books, which we’ve been enjoying SO much. This kid LOVES to be read to!

There were a lot of children!

He was a bit taken aback for the singing…

And the first thing he did was flip his cake upside-down!

But once he realized he could smash it between his fingers he really thought that was great.

After eating a good amount of frosting he was tapping out.

Happy Birthday, Samuel! And thank you for everyone that came out for his party and have blessed us so much this past year in various ways. Here’s to hoping the next year is just as good as his first! (and hopefully with fewer health problems!)

Month 12

Posted on September 18, 2012 by Ali

Time for Samuel’s monthly pictures! Here’s a link to Month 1, and Month 2, Month 3, Month 4, Month 5, Month 6 ,Month 7 , Month 8 Month 9 Month 10 and Month 11, in case you missed them! And here is a link to a page that I’ll be updating every month with all of the pictures together, so you can see them side by side.

With Crocheted Pillow:

In Crib:

With Bear:

Alternate Bear:

An entire year (and two weeks) have passed since Sam joined us. What a great year it’s been! I’ll write up his 12 month stats and milestones on his birthday thread, whenever I get around to writing that. But since these pictures are already several weeks old I figured I should post them sooner rather than later. And I think this will be the last post tagged with the “Baby” tag. I’m going to need to make a toddler tag instead.

Happy Birthday, Sam!

Posted on September 3, 2012 by Ali

Happy Birthday to my favorite little man, Samuel.

It’s been such a wonderful year and we are beyond blessed to be given the opportunity to be your parents.

You are walking all over the place, sprouting teeth like there’s no tomorrow and learning lots of new words and phrases. You love it when your dad comes home from work, you love eating Cheerios and playing your baby piano, you love to play outside and hang out with ‘big kids’. I love watching your personality grow! You are turning into such a fun little boy.